My Apologies

I’m sorry for the lies I told
and that I couldn’t keep them hidden
I’m sorry for the truth I told
and that I had to make it hurt you so
I’m sorry the tears I cried
and that I wouldn’t let you dry them
wouldn’t let you though I asked you to
I’m sorry for the blood I shed
and that I hid my scars from you
hid the blades in my pockets and sheets
I’m sorry for burdening your back
and that you took my load so quietly
took it away only for more to be put on me
I’m sorry for being the difficult person
and that one of me is too much
one of me is more than you can handle
I’m sorry that the apologies
written with blood and tears
don’t make life any easier
I’m sorry that I’m learning the hard way
ignoring what I should be learning
I’m not sorry that you are my friend
even when I frustrate you to tears
I’m not sorry that I shared with you
even when you wanted to cover your ears
I’m not sorry that I’m writing this
for you deserve so much more
you deserve promises that I can’t make
and explanations that elude me
I’m sorry that I’m not who I used to be
and that I can’t always be there
to listen, to talk, to pretend its ok,
to support and encourage you
I’m sorry that things aren’t the past
and that we can’t go back there
I’m sorry that you’ve lost part of a friend
one who is so lost to the world