There is a boy named Mickey
A boy so lazy and naughty
One day at school he was given a homework
by his teacher Mr. Goodsworth
When Mickey submitted his homework
the next day in the school
he was so boastful
that he did himself the homework
The teacher checked the homework
Lo, Mr. Goodsworth said it is too bad
all your answers Mickey are [...]

I visited granddad down on his farm,
And at once I noticed with some alarm,
That one of his pigs, an old sow called Peg
Appeared to be missing one of her legs.
I said to my granddad, “Bampy” says I
“See that old sow- over there by the sty,
She’s got just three legs when it ought to be four.”
Well [...]

Unfunny uncles who insist
in trying on a lady’s hat,
–oh, even if the joke falls flat,
we share your slight transvestite twist
in spite of our embarrassment.
Costume and custom are complex.
The headgear of the other sex
inspires us to experiment.
Anandrous aunts, who, at the beach
with paper plates upon your laps,
keep putting on the yachtsmen’s caps
with exhibitionistic screech,
the visors hanging [...]

The creek was made narrow by little green trees that grew
too close together. The creek was like 12, 845 telephone
booths in a row with high Victorian ceilings and all the doors
taken off and all the backs of the booths knocked out.
Sometimes when I went fishing in there, I felt just like a
telephone repairman, even though [...]

SANDBOX MINUS JOHN
DILLINGER EQUALS WHAT?
Often I return to the cover of Trout Fishing in America. I
took the baby and went down there this morning. They were
watering the cover with big revolving sprinklers. I saw some
bread lying on the grass. It had been put there to feed the
pigeons.
The old Italians are always doing things like that. [...]

Funny — to be a Century –
And see the People — going by –
I — should die of the Oddity –
But then — I’m not so staid — as He –
He keeps His Secrets safely — very –
Were He to tell — extremely sorry
This Bashful Globe of Ours would be –
So dainty of Publicity –
This [...]

Who should come up the road one day
But the doctor-man in his two-wheel shay!
And he whoaed his horse and he cried “Ahoy!
I have brought you folks a bow-leg boy!
Such a cute little boy!
Such a funny little boy!
Such a dear little bow-leg boy!”
He took out his box and he opened it wide,
And there was the bow-leg [...]

She
I’m waiting for the man I hope to wed.
I’ve never seen him – that’s the funny part.
I promised I would wear a rose of red,
Pinned on my coat above my fluttered heart,
So that he’d know me – a precaution wise,
Because I wrote him I was twenty-three,
And Oh such heaps and heaps of silly lies. . [...]

No, Bill, I’m not a-spooning out no patriotic tosh
(The cove be’ind the sandbags ain’t a death-or-glory cuss).
And though I strafes ‘em good and ‘ard I doesn’t ‘ate the Boche,
I guess they’re mostly decent, just the same as most of us.
I guess they loves their ‘omes and kids as much as you or me;
And just the [...]

I’ll tell you the story of Cloony the Clown
Who worked in a circus that came through town.
His shoes were too big and his hat was too small,
But he just wasn’t, just wasn’t funny at all.
He had a trombone to play loud silly tunes,
He had a green dog and a thousand balloons.
He was floppy and sloppy [...]