There is a boy named Mickey A boy so lazy and naughty One day at school he was given a homework by his teacher Mr. Goodsworth When Mickey submitted his homework the next day in the school he was so boastful that he did himself the homework The teacher checked the homework Lo, Mr. Goodsworth [...]

I visited granddad down on his farm, And at once I noticed with some alarm, That one of his pigs, an old sow called Peg Appeared to be missing one of her legs. I said to my granddad, “Bampy” says I “See that old sow- over there by the sty, She’s got just three legs [...]

Unfunny uncles who insist in trying on a lady’s hat, –oh, even if the joke falls flat, we share your slight transvestite twist in spite of our embarrassment. Costume and custom are complex. The headgear of the other sex inspires us to experiment. Anandrous aunts, who, at the beach with paper plates upon your laps, [...]

The creek was made narrow by little green trees that grew too close together. The creek was like 12, 845 telephone booths in a row with high Victorian ceilings and all the doors taken off and all the backs of the booths knocked out. Sometimes when I went fishing in there, I felt just like [...]

SANDBOX MINUS JOHN DILLINGER EQUALS WHAT? Often I return to the cover of Trout Fishing in America. I took the baby and went down there this morning. They were watering the cover with big revolving sprinklers. I saw some bread lying on the grass. It had been put there to feed the pigeons. The old [...]

Funny — to be a Century – And see the People — going by – I — should die of the Oddity – But then — I’m not so staid — as He – He keeps His Secrets safely — very – Were He to tell — extremely sorry This Bashful Globe of Ours would [...]

Who should come up the road one day But the doctor-man in his two-wheel shay! And he whoaed his horse and he cried “Ahoy! I have brought you folks a bow-leg boy! Such a cute little boy! Such a funny little boy! Such a dear little bow-leg boy!” He took out his box and he [...]

She I’m waiting for the man I hope to wed. I’ve never seen him – that’s the funny part. I promised I would wear a rose of red, Pinned on my coat above my fluttered heart, So that he’d know me – a precaution wise, Because I wrote him I was twenty-three, And Oh such [...]

No, Bill, I’m not a-spooning out no patriotic tosh (The cove be’ind the sandbags ain’t a death-or-glory cuss). And though I strafes ‘em good and ‘ard I doesn’t ‘ate the Boche, I guess they’re mostly decent, just the same as most of us. I guess they loves their ‘omes and kids as much as you [...]

I’ll tell you the story of Cloony the Clown Who worked in a circus that came through town. His shoes were too big and his hat was too small, But he just wasn’t, just wasn’t funny at all. He had a trombone to play loud silly tunes, He had a green dog and a thousand [...]